First Date Don'ts

First date could be a beginning of long romantic relationship, so you don’t want to make bad impression from the very beginning. If you are not sure how you should behave on this first date, read below a list of first date don’ts you should avoid. Be sure to remember at least some of them, as they may be crucial for your future.

Coming Late

The time you will come to your first date will make the very first impression of you. If you come on time, this will show the other person that you are serious about your relationship and value the boy or the girl you are dating with. So ensure you come just on time or a bit earlier. In case this is impossible, send the person a message or call them to notify them for the exact time you will come. I personally know a girl that just forgot about her first date with a boy she liked. He was waiting for her for half an hour and returned home angry. There was no second chance for another first day, even though they did remain friends. (This usually does not happen mind you!)

Going to the Movie

Do not do this during your first date, since your aim is to know each other better and not sitting for two hours in the dark. There are much better options to spend time together, like café or restaurant. Not for nothing, but it also shows that you couldn’t come up with a better first date idea!

Being Cheap or Fancy

Usually the boy is expected to pay for all the things on their first date, even if the girl offers to pay for herself. But the truth of the matter is that it’s 2013, while being a gentleman and offering to pay is customary, it’s a good idea to know who you are dating before you plan ahead. Don’t be cheap and do not be too fancy at the same time, as both of these are not good for your first date. Pick a place that is in between and does not say too much or too little about your personality. You don’t want to really WOW your date on the frst night because then you will not leave yourself with many follow-up choices. But you can’t exactly choose a diner or McDonald’s either!

Hiding Your Real You

Remember that the person is interested in the real you, so don’t hide it, pretending to be someone else. Just try to be the best version of yourself. The other person is probably as nervous as you, so better try to calm the atmosphere to make the other person feel good in your presence. This way, the person will surely wish to appoint another date with you.

Talking about Your EX

Well, it is the most inappropriate moment to share information about your ex or about your pass relationships. That will show the person that you are probably not ready to start a new relationship, but you are still in love with your ex. Remember, your ex is an ex for a reason – don’t bring them into your future! That happened with one girl on their first date. She was so disappointed, as she got his message wrong and did not even try to talk again with that boy. Do not make this mistake, if you don’t want to put an end from the very beginning.

Having Too Great Expectations

The first date is not a time for big promises, for saying “I love you!” etc. It has to be a fun time spent together. Since meeting in person is different from contacting online or on phone, better do not have too high expectations, to not be disappointed. Just spend a great time together talking about interesting things, as this will help you know the person better. If you feel this is not the right person, you can still remain good friends. Keep in mind that people with too great expectation stay alone for very long time. One friend of mine is an example for this. He never liked the girls he was dating with for some reason until he aged 45… What happened next? He married the most inappropriate woman he has ever met.

The Bottom Line of First Dates Don’ts

Your first date has to be funny time, as you will meet the other person for the first time. Do not have too big expectations, do not come late, don’t choose going to a movie or don’t be cheap or too fancy from the very first date. Remember to not talk about your pass relationships and simply be yourself to give a chance to this new relationship to develop naturally into long-term friendship and love.

Not a Team Player?

 

What the fuck is wrong with people these days? Have we, as a society, really built up the image of man to such a point that some of them refuse to accept any type of help from a woman? Seriously? It's almost twenty fucking twelve peoples! How long are you going to live your life thinking you can do everything on your own? Or better yet, how long are we all going to be subject to a world where men feel that it is better to just slow gas at your own pace than to let a woman help you out?

Oh I'm sorry, some men feel that a woman can only help them by cooking, cleaning, giving them money or shutting the fuck up when THEY don't feel like hearing you (or the truth for that matter!) I'm honestly getting so sick of this bullshit! 

Let me tell you something ladies, I don't care how much you love that man, if he won't accept your help than it usually means he doesn't respect you or trust you enough to truly believe that you can do something for him that he can't do himself! Now ask yourself if that's really worth your time and energy?!?!?!

Fuck you, I said it!

A relationship is supposed to be a team! Not one person carrying the other. Just because you may not financially carry someone doesn't mean that you don't carry them at all. Do you know how many relationships I know of that the man wouldn't know where anything was without the woman? Sad, sad story. Every relationship is different and based on different foundations. But if you can't name 5 things that you do for each other on a daily basis, do you really think you have a "relationship" by standard definition?

Let Em Breathe!

The hardest part about a relationship is also one of the most important factors of making one work! The art of letting your partner breathe when THEY need to! Before you even think about the concept in regard to your relationship, think about yourself!  How do you feel when your blood is boiling to the point that you're ready to black out? Everybody has that limit or that one day that (because of whatever reason) they're just not in the mood for bullshit that they'd usually take with a grain of salt! It's only human!

Now, put yourself (and your bad mood) in context to your relationship. You come home frustrated from having a fucked up day at work. You're tired, hungry and just want to relax. Then your partner comes at you with some petty bullshit (or more commonly, something that's important to them but doesn't mean shit to you even if you were in a good mood!) Nine out of ten times, your tension and their disregard of your bad mood is going to lead to a quite unnecessary fight!

LEARN TO LET EM BREATHE!

If your partner would have (to themselves) acknowledged your already fucked up composure and held off on discussing/bitching about their issues - you probably wouldn't have fought. In cases like these, as long as it doesn't become routine or one-sided, it's almost noble to walk on egg-shells for a bit; stroke your partners ego a bit! You're the start of their support team, it's part of your "job"!

Let's take this one step further, shall we? What if the fight escalated or the routine of fights played out and either of you walked away from the situation completely. What do you do?

LEARN TO LET EM BREATHE!

Despite how much was left unsaid, the last words that were said, or the unsettled feelings you are now sitting with - DO NOT CHASE ANYONE!!!! It's not only annoying, it's unattractive! There's a time and a place for everything and sometimes chasing can abruptly end something that could have otherwise been settled productively.

I shouldn't have to say this but I'll clarify this "rule" for those who lack the ability to analyze certain situations. Common sense is needed to execute this rule to perfection. I'm not telling you to walk out on a committed relationship thinking your spouse is gonna let you take your space without consequences. =) You're the only one who knows your partner ... choose your moves accordingly!

All I'm saying is that whether it's 10 minutes or a full day - sometimes it is vital, so let em breathe if they need to! Ladies, I know this rule, whether you like to admit or not, is where most of you fuck up!!! It's hard for us, by nature, not to get what we want, WHEN we want it; especially resolution to an issue. If you love your partner, you must trust your partner (cuz love and trust do go hand in hand) so let them do their guy "remove and sort my head" thing and get used to it cuz it's a part of life. We need our moments too - remember we get bypassed for one week out of every month to be "dysfunctional!" Give that man his own bypass sometimes! Ha, ha, ha!

Yea bitches, JoJo Said It!!!!

"Kisses Be Crazy"

Some people truly underestimate the power of good kiss. Now I say good kiss because not every little peck on the lips has the same effect as those good, good kisses! And you all (well most of you) know the ones I'm talking about. There's no set category or style, no specific strategy or definition ... it's that kiss that lasts a bit longer, chemistry that sparks a bit faster, and that feeling like you never want to stop, kinda kiss!

Now, anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship knows that right around that year one mark, these kisses start to decrease and by the time you reach year two in most cases, they seem mere memories of the "courting stage"  of the relationship! But does it really have to be?

While some of you are out there in relationship or couples therapy or just sitting home resenting each other because the sparks have flown so far away from your relationship that you're pretty much roommates with benefits ... why not travel back to those courting days of the relationship and start kissing again!

It seems so corny, simple and funny but it's sooo true. Think about it for a minute. What usually happens after a really great, passionate, intense kiss? Other great, passionate, intense things! It's a win-win situation if you ask me! Ha, ha, ha. 

Moral of the story, it may not solve all your problems but everyone knows that saying (no thanks to Cher) ... "it's in his kiss..."

It won't solve all your issues but it can give you some perspective and some fun in the interim!

The Mistakes of a Woman

As unfortunate as it is, once a woman makes that plunge from innocent to damaged goods, there are a series of events that will happen to her (and anyone she tries to date.)

1. She will never again believe a man who tells her he is working late.
2. She will surely become a stalker on every social networking site in attempts to stay abreast of any brewing situation. This may not be such a bad thing BUT damaged goods will proceed to befriend any of her guy's female friends and/or comment on each and every status comment from a female with some ridiculousness which makes her look very, very insecure.
3. She is bound to cheat at the first moment in which she feels she is being cheated on.
4. She will HATE on any and all happy people around her without even realizing it. This usually comes in the form of bitter comments, tainted advice or my personal pet-peeve, the unnecessary hating of their boyfriends.
5. Her skirts, dresses and shorts will most definitely get shorter than her normal style. This tactic comes from her subconscious needing any and all attention she can get from the opposite sex. (Ladies please know your own body type before doing this.)
6. She will contradict almost everything that she says when it comes to her relationship. This is because she speaks as if she is the resilient person she wants to be only to realize once she is in the situation that she is just not capable of following through with her words.
7. She needs constant reassurance. Yes fellas, I know this is unattractive and highly annoying BUT if you really do care for her, feed into it at seldom times. This will help bring her out of her shell and into her rightful, confident stature.
8. She will try overly hard to impress your friends because she feels that if they vouch for her, so will her new guy! This will only create problems I guarantee you so just stay away from your guys friends. Speak only when spoken to until you are truly confident that your vindictive side is at bay!
9. She will start fights for what you think is no reason. However, in reality, she is starting a meaningless fight and proceed to fight as hard as she can with you each and every time she realizes that she is letting her guard down with you. Corny, yes I know but it happens.
10. She will have no problem and see nothing wrong with going through your phone and calling each and every female number that you have stored. And yes just in case you are wondering, she will proceed to speak to the female, telling her how happy you guys are and how the female should cut you out her life.

Unfortunately, the majority of females do not get over heartbreak. They harbor it until they think they have forgotten or just jump from one relationship to the next in hopes to get over you by getting right under someone else. Word to the wise, if you are going to utilize this rule please understand that the "under" of this rule pertains for a one night stand NOT another relationship!

Bottom line, the only way I personally feel you can help damaged goods (male or female for this matter) is if you were there as a friend to witness the transition. You can not begin to fix something that you are simultaneously trying to understand. It just doesn't work. In all honesty, a relationship should be about growing together not fixing each other!

Yea, Yea JoJoSaidIt bitches!!!

What Do You Know?

With new technology like the Kindle and the rapidly growing trend of audio books, there is no reason in the world for everyone not to enjoy a good book! I'm not saying go out and start a novel, but there's some very interesting reads out there that can be more useful to you than just a way to pass time! Here's some of my favorites that may come in handy one day!


The Art of Seduction
- Robert Greene
Don't be fooled by the title, this book is liable to change your life inside and outside of intimate relationships. If you work in the sales industry, you should seriously consider fitting this read into your schedule!


The Secret Language of Relationships (reissue)
- Gary Goldschenider
This is an interesting read but proceed with caution. Whether you believe in astrology or not, this book is liable to change your whole perspective about your relationship and the types of people you date!

The Secret Language of Birthdays (reissue)
- Alicia Thompson
All I have to say is "... know yourself before involving anyone else."


Set of Harry Potter Books (Harry Potter, Book 1-7)
- J.K. Rowling
Not only are the movies amazing but the books are absolutely brilliant. If you haven't already privileged yourself, I highly recommend you reading the Harry Potter series. You may want to do some reading up on the author as well, her tale is truly a one of a kind story!

The Prince (Bantam Classics)
- Niccolo Machiavelli
You think I'm kidding right now? Do yourself a favor and educate yourself. The language isn't hard to understand and it's pretty short for the amount of knowledge that comes out of it! Guarantees to change your perspectives on government and history!


Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
- John Gray
This is an oldie but still ever so true! Male or female, before you enter the dating arena, you should get yourselves a copy of this read!

Check It At The Door ...

There seems to be a lot of funny business goin on lately and I'm not sure who told you guys that a respectable female sends you naked pix of herself before she's ever met you, but it must have been the same person who told these same byrds that they are respectable females! Let me clearly define this for you. If you are using social networking sites like Twitter, Myspace and now Facebook to smut yaself out, please understand that you have no one to blame but yourself when your nudey flix wind up on the Internet! Now I personally believe every woman should have at least one naked picture of herself, one smokin bikini shot and of course evidence of how sick you looked in that dress. Having sexy pictures of yourself is completely normal, what's wrong with admiring how beautiful we are? BUT .... unless it is your husband, never ever send naked photos of yourself to anyone. You never know what anomosity the future holds!


Do you seriously think that someone you met off the Internet, who is asking you for naked pics before he asks you to meet him face to face is going to respect you? Especially if you sent them without being asked! HUGE NO NO says JoJo!!!  Sweetheart, as soon as you send those pix, your ass will literally wind up in a folder with the rest of the eye candy, far away from the handful of females he may consider being loyal to when and if he matures! These females make me laugh. I see all these comments from females I know my guy friends don't know personally on some " I miss you ...", "why haven't you called me ...", or my personal favorite, "you're such a jerk ..."! Bitch if he wanted to call you, he would have. Just like if you meant anything more to him than an entertaining way to kill time, he would have been asked to see you. It doesn't matter how far away you live, he would try to make plans to see you. But he hasn't, has he?


Keep dreaming sweetheart. If any of the following apply to you, please change ya swag when you finish reading this blog post, you are slowly but surely killing the game for the rest of us, making men of all ages think we are all byrds and can be treated accordingly!


1. If you go on his social network page and see other females bitching at him for the same things you bitch about. (i.e. not calling you back, or not calling at all, not answering you when you text him. )


2. If he never answers your phone calls but proceeds to answer your texts.


3. If he only compliments you on your looks and/or he only comments on your pix that show skin or where you're purposely popping your ass out (which by the way is excessively corny!)


4. You've never met him but he has your friends on his pages also. (You should check their profiles and pix. You know you stalk him anyway, I'm sure he's saying the same generic shit to them as he says to you)


5. You know he has a girlfriend yet still feel that you may have a shot when and if they break up.


6. You send pix to guys you don't know personally.


7. You see a comment on his page from another female saying something disrespectful about another female and you ask him if she was talking about you! (Hint, this is what happens when you have a guilty conscience. In these cases you already know you're a slide and have obviously accepted yourself.)


8. His guy friends have no clue who you are or know that you're on their boys ish and still request you anyway!


9. You post bikini pix of yourself at the beach (no harm there), but you're wearing makeup! Anyone who goes to the beach wearing makeup isn't comfy in their own skin. They gonna see what ya ugly ass looks like in the mornin anyway!

10. You've accepted the trend of talking to random guys, sending them pix of you, stop talking to them and start talking to their friends.... you're such a byrd, you didn't even realize you're sending the same pix to friends!

Try reading these two books and get yaself together!
Yes sweetheart ... JoJoSaidIt  ... deal with it!


~Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless
Follow The BlogBot @JoJoSaidIt

The 2 Sides of a Woman

How alive us women must always be; being the bearers of the gift of life. Yet, how conserved we must keep our emotions and fantasies, as we are devalued in the shine of that light.

We are the delicate flowers that decorate the world. The silent backbones of those who govern the same. We are the nurturers, the lovers and the homemakers. We are usually the ones feeding the power into the game.
...................................................................................................
A real woman  is complex by nature, yet to the naked eye has everything under control. She has two contradicting sides to her core which creates a constant battle between her independence and her natural need to be loved. We are all emotional, impulsive and resort to some for of temper tantrum when we don't get our way. We have to be in order to remind the world that despite how efficient we run the company, maintain the household and upkeep our appearance; we are only human at the end of the day.

For the most part, a real woman can handle the weight of the world on her shoulders, running on the energy of a better cause. Why do you think all woman appreciate compliments so much? Because we feed off the recognition. What else do we get without asking? We definitely don't get compensated by the same salaries. We don't accept payments of catcalls and empty promises. But a genuine compliment ... a sincere, unsolicited form of acknowledgement and appreciation; could make every stress we bare just melt away. Even if just for a split second until the reality sets back in, it gives us the energy we need to face our realities head on.

It's amazing how simply our complex minds can be eased. For the most part, we feed on emotion over logic. Yet that determination is what separates a female from a real woman. The ability to face the reality of a situation without reacting on impulsive emotions. Despite the type of woman you are, all you want is to succeed on your own terms and share your life with someone who allows you to do you. One who accepts you for who you are and encourages you the same.

A real woman understands that she is beautiful and never loses sense of her own attraction. She is confident with her sexuality, her appeal, her fantasies and her nature, yet remains in control of her own emotions. She is capable of professionally running your office, yet returns home to play a completely different role. "A lady in the streets but a freak in the bed." But we can't do this all on our own. I say this to clearly define the intention.

A real woman does not need someone to take care of her. She doesn't need your money, your gifts or your words. A real woman can do this all for herself. She needs your time, your dedication, your support; a real woman needs nothing but your love. The water that enables the seed to grow and the sunlight that allows it to bloom. We need your maturity to stay in tune with your confidence to support our independence. We need you to understand that loyalty stretches further than lies. Leave the lies with the females who still believe them.

A real woman believes in herself. She doesn't need you, she wants you. If you have been blessed with a real woman in your life it is because you have embraced both sides of her. You trust her enough to let her roam as far as her wings can take her; supporting her in the ways that she needs. You are her strength where she falls vulnerable, yet you never throw her weaknesses in her face. You are bonded by an understanding that human nature is a battle you cannot win. Intentions mean more than actions sometimes.


Click Here To Order "The Women Men Adore & Never Want To Leave"

~Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless
Follow the BlogBot @JoJoSaidIt
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Image Sources: Google Images

"Midnight Wonder"

I am a candle, she is the flame.

She is the handle, I am the blade.

I am the gamble, she is the pay.

She is the banjo ... I know how to play.

I am the ammo, she is the gauge.

She is the chandelier, I look up to and gaze.

I am the camouflage, she hides in the shade.

She is a panther, I'm the jungle where she lays.

I am the answer, she questions my taste.

She is my gander, I am the founder of grace.

I am a mammal, she is the blood in my veins.

She is ample happiness, yet I am the pain.

I lie in the desert like camels, while she is the rain.

Individually we are defined examples, together isn't the same,

because I still don't know who we are on this plain.

My heart battles my mind in shame.

By @Gemini_Enigma

The Fragile Fear of Starting Over

Dammit Kanye! It is now Day 4 that "Toast" is simmering in my head. It doesn't help that it's been getting hourly airplay either. So I feel the need to break it down now. We all hear Kanye's side as a man, but what about the women on the other side of this spectrum? Yes, most females who stand by these types of men are just weak, suckaz for love, but not all! Sadly, and I say sadly because it is sad, that there are strong females who stand by a man, dealing with all their smutery because of 3 main reasons: love, loyalty and the fact that they know their man is not physically cheating! Bitch, he's STILL in violation here!

As much as it sucks to admit ladies, they are never going to change without losing something they hold dear. Which is a contradiction in itself because if they held you dear, would they be drifting elsewhere? Even if it is just to casually flirt with other females solely to maintain their own ego, it's not right and you (despite who you are) are a woman at the end of the day and you don't deserve to be treated like a byrd. Mask it however you like, make whatever excuses you want, but because you stay loyal to a man who everyone, including yourself, can see is openly flirting with other females, is treating you like a byrd. He's sure as hell making you look like one! And I'm not saying talking about healthy, casual flirting here. I'm talking about the level of flirting that makes him seem single!

Now, back to Kanye's message. It's as clear as the message from the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." Do we really have to break down the lines of his song? From the very beginning of the song, that man starts his 5 minute warning to females in general. I can't lie, when I first heard the song I wanted to break something! It made every excuse I ever came up with go right out the window. If your man is jamming out to that song, you should really double check yaself, forget bout him. Take a good look at what YOU allow! Again I say that Eve said it the best, men only do what we allow, and in most cases, we do let them!

As hard as we try, we can't change other people. When you try to change someone else you wind up allowing yourself to change for that person. Why? Because that person is not going to change their ways for you, so what winds up happening? You mold your ways to accommodate them, knowing the entire time that they will not show you the same respect. A relationship is 50/50. And I'm not talking about financial input, no relationship will ever be equal in that respect. But effort-wise, everything should be 50/50. You should not be doing anything for a man or a woman for that matter, they are not willing to do for you.

You allow your man to send random females pictures of his personals... do you think he would accept you doing that same thing? Hell no! Try it, you'll find yourself in the middle of the "you're a female, you should respect yourself and stop acting like a whore," speech which comes right before he deads you! Trust me, if he doesn't dead you, he really doesn't give two shits about you. Any man with respect for himself shouldn't allow you to be loose like that. And you should be following the same rule. Trust me, I know it can be much easier said than done. But the last thing you want to do is settle for that type of behavior! Where does it end if you do? How far is he going to take his smutery if you allow it?

It's such a touchy subject but you have a man that does anything Kanye has described in that song, just keep these golden rules in the back of your head. You WILL drive yourself crazy trying to change him. You WILL slowly and repeatedly break your own heart standing by him waiting for him to change himself. And as much as it hurts, you WILL eventually find yourself in the position where leaving him seems like the only way to show him how serious you are. Why? Because YOU allowed him to do the same bullshit to you for so long that it's too late to put your foot down!

It's a sad situation. If you think it's hard now, keep doing what you're doing. Eventually you'll realize that these types of guys and situations will linger on and on and on until YOU put an end to it or they just get bored with you. Put yourself in their shoes, if you had your cake and were able to eat it too, would you give it up?

Unfortunately, Jo Jo Said It!

By Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless
Follow the BlogBot @JoJoSaidIt

The Power of Words

Relationships, intimate and platonic alike, are pointless without communication. And I'm not talking about talking just to talk. I mean, honest and genuine communication. With that being said, sometimes, more so with intimate relationships, you find yourself in a position where you didn't say something that you later realize you should have. Like those certain times where your girlfriend goes off on a tangent, accusing you of cheating. You know you're not cheating but your pride reacts before you do and you just let her talk. Is it so hard to calmly tell her how much she means to you and that you are NOT in fact cheating on her? No, cuz that would be too easy, right?

Ladies ... we have it a bit harder because most guys don't voice their emotional feelings. But, if you're talking to your guy about one of your male friends, or commenting on a cute guy walking down the street (if you and your guy are cool like that,) or you just innocently say something about how fly someone famous is ... and you're man either comes back on a negative defense or just starts twitching ...  he's having a jealous moment. It's kinda your job to comfort him, even if you have to cater to his ego for a moment or two. You know damn well if the situation was flipped that is how you would want him to react, so show him that you are willing to do the same for him.

Now reverse the situation. This concept of "see something, say something"  situations could mean the total opposite of what I've mentioned above. If you or your partner (or both of you) are always putting yourself in questionable situations, you need to just part ways. Physical cheating is NOT the only type of cheating. When you are in a relationship, everything you do affects the other person. The way you act outside your relationship, reflects the strength or weakness of your relationship, whether directly or indirectly. Let's say physical cheating isn't an issue in your relationship. But as you go about your normal day at school, work, shopping, or just hanging out with friends, and you engage in conversations with the opposite sex as if you were single... you're violating both your partner and your relationship.

I'm not at all saying while in a relationship to cut off the opposite sex. You all know how important I think maintaining friendships with the opposite sex is while in a relationship. What I'm saying is, when you are in a relationship, things change, including the way you speak to the opposite sex. I've been in a relationship for four years and I still have sexual conversations with the opposite sex. However, they are never personalized to me and another man. Example, it is perfectly normal and acceptable to engage in a conversation about the general topic of sex. But under no circumstances is it acceptable (or respectable for that matter) for someone in a relationship to speak to another man/woman about having sex with them, or what it would be like or anything of the like.

Common psychology will tell you that if you can engage in conversations like these, knowing you are committed to someone else ... you're not as committed as the front you're putting on. I say this because in all honesty, when you truly love someone, you don't see the opposite sex the same way anymore. Which is funny, because everyone knows that when you're in a relationship (or pregnant) the opposite sex flocks to you. This is especially true with females. Females can sense when a man has a girlfriend and more than enough times that attracts her more because the stress option is already taken. That man, in essence, is another woman's problem. This side female can move into the picture and only reap the benefits because once she gets what she wants, she sends him right back home to dish his bullshit out to his girl. The same goes for guys. The most bullshit a side guy will ever hear is that girl bitching about her man! Which is just giving him more ammo!

The moral of this story is to watch your words. Your words come from thoughts and eventually, your thoughts become actions! If you are a man who is in a relationship, yet proceeds to still have questionable conversations with other females, you're setting yourself up to potentially lose your girl. Why? Because you're putting it out there to another female that you don't respect your girl as much as you are saying you do. If you did, you wouldn't be carrying on such conversations with the second girl. And trust me, we sense that. You could sit there and tell me you love your girl and you would never cheat on her til you're blue in the face. But if you're still sitting on the phone with me every chance you get, allowing our conversations to go wherever they may lead, you're wrong. I will treat your girl like a byrd and you, like your single. Because that is the energy YOU are putting out there.

Once again, Jo Jo Said It ... make sure you know your role and stay in your lane if you are in a relationship. Sooner or later it will catch up with you and you'll learn the true meaning of the saying .. "play yaself, find yaself by yaself!"

By Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless
Follow The BlogBot @JoJoSaidIt

Learn How To Talk

I think it's safe to say that 90% of people that are in a relationship these days, don't even know how to cultivate one. Yes, relationships are like flowers, as corny as that is. They need to be nurtured in order for them to grow (healthily.) One of the most important aspects of a relationship is communication. Now here, is where the battle of the sexes plays an important role. Men don't talk about their feelings enough and women can't keep their feelings to themselves. So how do we reach a happy  medium?

Easy! Know yourself and know your partner! I used to think that women were the weaker sex when it came to compromising. We want what we want, exactly when and how we want it! End of a sad story. But, over the years I've realized that the genders are equally at fault, just for different reasons.

Men don't like to voice their emotions because women only hear what they want to hear anyway. Men don't like to sugar coat things because when they do, (just to avoid hurting your feelings) the intensity of their point isn't conveyed to you properly. In other words, unless you men are straight up with us (brutal truth) we will always harp on the one positive thing you said while we proceed to call you an asshole for everything else that you said which completely contradicts how WE really feel!

Now women. Women, well, most women, can't detach themselves from their own feelings for long enough to actually LISTEN to what a mean is saying to them. Yes ladies, I know this is a new concept for some of you, but you need to take a step back sometimes and listen to what your man is saying to you, not just hear the jumble of words that utter from his mouth. That will save you a lot of tears!

Know your spouse. Especially men - if a man tells you something about yourself, it's more than likely because he cares. Okay, lemme clarify that. When a man truly cares about you, he will sit you down, so to speak and tell you about yourself. This is him, in a man's way,letting you know when your flaws are affecting the outside world. You don't have to follow everything he says, but at least take it into consideration. He may be telling you something you don't yet realize about yourself.

Fellas, this ain't all on us you know. Yes, us woman tend to make many situations worse with our fluctuating emotions and our knac for jumping to the worst possible conclusion. However, you need to figure out, case by case, how to deal with us. Stop treating us (or telling us in the midst of an argument) that we are all the same! There's definite similarities but we're not all the same, all the time. Refraining from treating us as such will save you many headaches.

Got it, get it, GOOD. Let that simmer in your head for the day and lemme know what arguments you avoid tomorrow! As always, Jo Jo Said It!

By Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

Weekly Blast: Understanding vs Loyalty

After talking with a bunch of different strangers last week and always winding up on the same topic, I've decided to dedicate this week to discussing relationships and the understanding factor within them! It's so funny that men can take public transportation everyday for the rest of their lives and never strike a conversation with a fellow rider, nevertheless tell a fellow rider the weaknesses of their relationship. BUT, you stick a female on public transportation, especially when their going through a rocky point in their relationship, and what ever mode of public transportation you're using, immediately turns into an Oprah special!

Now, I'm no expert on relationships, but I have been in enough shitty ones to know certain tips that if used correctly, act as the grease that keeps the wheels of any relationship turning smoothly. Understanding your relationship and your partner is definitely right up there with trusting them.

Here's a perfect example that serves 2 key purposes of a relationship. First and foremost, LADIES, you're man having female friends will ALWAYS benefit your relationship! Before you start on your tangent, let me explain. Do you really think you're man always knows how to pick out the perfect gift you on his own? Do you think after that huge fight you had, he calmed down and came back to talk to like a civilized person all by himself, especially after knowing that you had no right to start that fight in the first place? HELL NO! I'd say in 75% of these cases, that man called one of his female friends for advice on why the fuck you were acting crazy for no reason. And she, (despite if she knows you or not) gave him some inside tips on "how to handle an unnecessarily irrate female." But instead of you being grateful that he has that option (which benefits you more than you think ), you probably freaked out on him for going to another female right? I'm not going to say "allowing your man" because if you have a relationship where you have to give permission to have a friend, you're relationship probably won't last too long because there's no trust between you. But I will say this, being understanding that you are not going to be the last or only female that you're man has a relationship with, is key to the more than healthy survival of that relationship!

I cannot say it enough that we are all human at the end of the day. Despite whatever morals we have, we all battle the same laws of human nature each and every day! Personally I feel that every relationship has four people in it, only 2 of which are sleeping together! Again, let me explain. You have the inside couple; the two people involved in the intimate relationship. Then you have the female that the male partner goes to for advice and the male that the female partner goes to for her advice. Anything more or less than these four people in a relationship is going to cause friction. On both parts, having one person of the opposite sex that you can turn to about your relationship is KEY!! Did you ever realize that females have more problems deriving from her girlfriends than guys do with their boys? It's because under normal circumstances, a female will go to all her girlfriends for advice when there's an issue in her relationship; just to get different advice that she knows she's not going to take anyway! This results in multiple witnesses to the bad points of your relationship which is bound to be thrown back in your face by at least one of them at some point in the future. If you keep it strictly to one person, you're allowing yourself the privilege of getting factual advice from someone who knows more than just the bad points.

This week we'll take a closer look at all the little things that could be avoided just by understanding your spouse and your relationship. But remember, there is a fine line between being understanding and just a sucker for love! By the end of this week, if you don't already, you should be able to understand the difference! Stay tuned!

By Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

Know Your Own Flaws!

Picture Source: http://www.nicholascartoons.com/

Think about this question for a minute ...

How much easier life would be if we knew (before getting to know someone), what their flaws were? The world would be a much better place right? WRONG!!! Knowing someone else's flaws won't help you any unless you are aware of YOUR OWN FLAWS! Let's face facts here for a minute, no one knows us better than we know ourselves. With that being said, why is it our human nature to expect those who are closest to us, to know things that we ourselves, haven't come to grips with yet?

Let's look at some quick examples. If you know that you are a jealous person when it comes to your relationship; why would you date a Stripper? If you know that you have 2 children to take care of; why would you accept a job that only pays $7 an hour? Why? Because not only do you like making yor own life harder ... YOU have not yet accepted your own flaws.

In order to have any type of relationship (friendships and business relationships included), one must know themselves and be comfortable with themselves. It's like the old saying goes, "You can't be happy with someone else if you are not happy with yourself." Lord, I wish I knew who actually said that! I would love to shake their hand! If we all owned up to our personal flaws, we would be able to see clearly how much our flaws really do affect our daily lives.

Any self-help book will tell you that the first step to solving a problem is to first admit that you have one! If you can identify your own flaws, it will be that much easier to take the necessary steps to overcome them.

Short, simple and to the point! ~~~> Jo Jo Said It !!

Written by Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

In A Battle With "The New"

What happens when a relationship leaves that "hearts and flowers" stage and enters that era of comfortability? I'll tell you what happens ... he no longer opens the door for you and you no longer "hold your tongue" when he goes out. He doesn't compliment you anymore, so you continue talking while you see he's watching the game! This is on the lighter end of the spectrum. Lately, I've found myself in almost constant conversation about relatiomships; long term relationships. Although everyone is so different, we're really not that far apart on the "I get fed up because ..." list.

Now, you all know I'm a firm believer of "the game changes after 2 years." Why all the changes happen at the two year mark is beyond me, but it's nonetheless annoying as fuck! Yes, this is going to be one of those pieces where I use my favorite curse words to emphasize my point! So pardon my tongue for this one! Do we just wake up on that morning of our two year anniversary, look at our significant other and just say "I don't have to try no more, I got you already" ?!?!? Or is it really just our subconscious acting on our comfort ability?

Do you know how many times I've heard a guy say, "it's just not new and exciting no more," HORSESHIT! A relationship is and can only be what the two of you make it! One sided relationships never make it. Why? Because a relationship is with two people; equally divided. It's a bond that you share with someone. If we could all hold down relationships by ourselves, well... that's a whole different blog!

Fellas, realize that your girl/wife is a woman, and women are emotional and sensitive no matter how "hard" they come off. Despite how independent we may be, at the end of the day ... we love your attention, are flattered by your affection and are soothed for your touch. We can only initiate so much with you. It's up to you to keep the "back and forth" going. For example, if you see that your girl is trying to get your attention, give it to her. I'm not saying drop everything you are doing (although sometimes, that's all it takes to show her that she's that important to you.) But if it's not the right time, there's a way to say that to her without making her feel insignificant. It's a beautiful feeling when you're man comes right to you when he's not busy! Just remember guys, the last thing a woman wants to feel is unwanted. If you love her, don't ever let her feel like that even for a second!

Ladies, if you're not getting what you want from your man .. try giving him what you know he wants; whatever it may be. If you still don't get the attention or outcome that you were seeking, let him know. Again, there is a way to do this without transferring the negative energy that you already feel. If it still doesn't work, then maybe you need to reflect and re-evaluate.

The easiest way to start to spice up a relationship is to change the way you see your relationship. Instead of saying, "Damn, we've been together for years..." (and sigh afterwards,) try thinking of it as if, "everyday is brand new." I shouldn't have to say this, but I will for all intensive purposes. Don't think that just because you change the way you see something that you no longer have to take action! ALWAYS PUT MEANING BEHIND YOUR WORDS AND THOUGHTS!

As a couple ... experience different things together. Go out and see the world. If you're local in NY, don't even try to tell me that there's nothing to do or that you've already done everything. Every trip into the City brings a new adventure! New sidewalk events, new bums on the corner who talk to themselves, new bars or lounges opening up. And at the very least , YOU have the power to divulge in new conversation while walking through Central Park! So, I don't even wanna hear your bullshit excuses as to why you can't spice your relationship up.

If you can honestly tell me that you've tried everything and it still didn't work ... then I can honestly say, neither will your relationship!!! Because YOU obviously don't want to make it work. Relationships are a give and take just as much as time is money! Hmmm, think about that and get back to me.

And Always remember to tell em ... Jo Jo Said It!

By: Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

Picture Source: Google Images

Air It Out - The Greedy Spouse

A little bit of flirting never hurt nobody ... BUT ... I'm really feeling the need to air out all you people who are in a relationship, which in most cases, is with someone who you don't deserve in the first place ... and you are still being overly flirtatious with the opposite sex. WHY? Some people may say that in these cases, it's just like the movie says .... "he's just not that into you!" But is that really always the case? I think not. I'm really starting to believe that some people are just relationship greedy. Now, when I say relationship, in this aspect, I mean constant interaction with the opposite sex. I may not be dating more than one person but I sure as hell have relationships with many male friends and acquaintances;, those relationships are just strictly platonic. But I'm only human, I do get my flirt on too! There's limitations to flirting with "outside forces" when you are in a committed relationship.

I've come to the conclusion that Social Websites such as Twitter, Facebook and the now dying trend of Myspace, can be detramental to these greedy people. Do you know how many times I've heard, myself included, women go crazy over something they seen on their boyfriends pages? Some of these guys have some nerve! For those of you who take everything word for word, let me clarify my point. I'm not saying if you are in a relationship you shouldn't have these sites or shouldn't comment on any other female aside your girl. What I am saying is KNOW when you are being disrespectful to your girl!

Let's face facts, your girl, whoever she may be, is not going to be the prettiest girl in the world. She sure as hell ain't gonna be the only girl in the world that you find attractive. Commenting on another pretty female is cool. BUT, to leave another female a sexual comment, get too detailed on her pix or just flat out ask her "Can I come over?," is a straight violation of your own relationship. How would you like it if someone told you that they seen your girl comment on some other guys page ... "Wish you were here with me?"

I don't think that would go over too well! So why do it to her? Look, bottom line. No one is perfect and again I will say, with confidence, Human Nature is a Sneaky Bitch! But here's my philosophy ... A Guy will ALWAYS be a Guy at the end of the day ... all I ask is that you keep that shit away from me. You wanna casually flirt with someone, be my guest ... but don't let that shit get back to me! You always wanna give your partner some breathing room so that they don't change who they are just because they are in a relationship. Keeping your individuality is KEY to the survival of your relationship. BUT BE RESPECTFUL!!!!

As Always ~~~~> Jo Jo Said It!!!

Written By Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

Picture Source: Google Images

Are You Loyal or Just A Sucker?!?

How does someone differentiate betwen being a loyal partner or a sucker for love? Where do we draw the line? Yes, especially in this day and age, we all have our flaws, find ourselves in hard places and/or are just struggling to get ahead. Everyone who is in a relationship knows how hard it can be to accomplish a personal goal when you're actions directly affect someone else. Here's a few situations that are common in relationships, but can be quite sticky ones if not handled correctly (or with malicious intent.)



1. The Continuously Unemployed Partner : First, ask yourself this, how long have they been without a job? We're in a recession people! Don't start questioning your spouses loyalty to you just because they haven't worked in a few months! Focus on what they are doing to find a job instead of how long they've been out of work. You always want to handle this situation with delicacy until you get your facts straight, especially when dealing with a man. Ladies, he is a MAN, and his pride AS A MAN will always be on a defense if he is not earning FOR HIMSELF! Respect that boundary, understand that this is not about YOU even though it affects you, but don't let him take advantage. Find that common understanding.

2. Too Much Freedom : It's cool to have that breathing room in your relationship; that freedom to not be anally retentive to each other's hip. But, this "privellage" is not always given before earned and can just as easily be abused. Personally, I'm old-fashion when it comes to this. It's a gender thing to me. There's certain situations us, as females in a rleationship, should never put ourselves in (despite how much freedom we are given.) Perfect examples, being at parties or clubs without our man. ACT ACCORDINGLY! Just because you're man ain't physically with you doesn't mean he doesn't exist. If you go to the club, get drunk and act a fool ... those are your actions ... be prepared to take whatever responsibility they come with it.

3. Public Communication and Image : If your relationship is anything like mine; that's my best friend. We speak to each other abruptly; no punches, no sugar coating! Straight facts, just the way I like it, even if I don't want to hear what he's saying! BUT, there is a time and a place for everything. Certain things should only be said or spoken about in private. If your partner is constantly airing out personal business in front of mixed company, you may wanna look closer into that!

4. Sharing is Caring (or in this case growing) : Not everything you do in your own life is going to involve your partner. Take a quick look at the aspects of your life that don't involve them. Are they still interested in them? These aspects are key, (in my eyes), to keeping your own identity while cultivating your life together. I call them the escapes. My main escape is my writing, his, is his Xbox; nothing to do with each other. However, it brings us closer as the "team" we are, when I play a game or two with him or he occasionally comes with me to my Poetry Slams ... what does yours do for you? Or you for yours?

I could go on forever, but the point is, human nature is a bitch. It's very easy to mistake kindness for weakness or take advantage of the comfortability aspect of your relationship. In order to maintain and build a healthy relatinship, you first want to make sure that you have one!

                                        And Always Remember to tell em ... Jo Jo Said It!!!!
 
Picture Source: http://www.freakygaming.com/
Article also published on http://www.theinfosoup.com/
Written by Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

Utilizing Your Ex for In Between Sex

After getting into a heated debate with some friends, I'm taking this convo to the readers!!!

Is it so wrong to go back to "sex an ex" in between relationships?!?!?

Now before you answer think about this first... the difference between males and females!

A male can do whatever (or whoever) he wants without being labeled. Everyone knows this is not the case for females. Here's my logic, as a female... In between relationships, no respectable girl is just gonna run ramped in the sea of penis! Yes, I said sea of penis! However, you tell me what guy is going to turn down a booty call,? Especially one as easy as an ex! Casual sex is dangerous these days ... too many people runnin' around with Lord only knows what types of diseases. For the most part, you know where an ex has been. Why increase your numbers as a female when you can just utilize and ex for the night?!?!

It's not like I'm filling any one's head with false hope. If I tell you straight out, "this is just a fling," what's the problem?!?!? Just because we didn't make it as a couple, doesn't mean we weren't bedroom compatible!!! Am I right?

Click Here If You Just Want Your Ex Back for Keeps!!

By: Jo Anne @MzFilterless
Follow The BlogBot @JoJoSaidIt

The 3 Reasons for Sex In Relationships

Now, everyone knows that having casual sex when you're single is much different than having sex while in a relationship. There is no rhyme or reason for having just casual sex.... you're both feelin' each other in that moment ... nuff said.


Once you're in a relationship, however, especially one that has stretched passed that 2 year mark; the rules for sex changes dramatically!





Here's the 3 "Golden Reasons" ...


Hate/Make Up Sex - Never underestimate or take advantage of this rule. This is probably the best sex you will ever have, in my personally opinion. I'm not gonna lie, like many females, sometimes just to spice things up a bit, I'll pick a fight over something stupid just to apologize and engage that ever-so-fun Make Up Sex session!

Mutual Sex - Pretty self explanatory. Just because you've been together forever doesn't mean you'll never again be in the mood at the same time! Mutual sex is whatever you make it. I refer to this as just plain sex, routine... pretty much normal.

Now everyone pay attention to this last one. It is the MOST IMPORTANT and the MOST NEGLECTED!!!!


Body Cavity Sex - Now, people, listen up! Whether you are male or female this Golden Rule WILL apply to you at some point in your relationship. When you enter in a relationship, you are entering into an unwritten contract to take care of each other. This includes sexual needs. There is going to come a time where only one of you is "in the mood." It is, I repeat, the obligation (and common courtesy) of their partner to be the body cavity. Take one for the team, so to speak! At the end of the day, you do love the person and are attracted to them or else you wouldn't be with them. So, just lay there if you must and let your partner get that release! Trust me, avoiding the attitude that will surely come after you deny your partner that release (on top of all the obvious perks of sex) will be well worth it.


Ladies, whether you want to admit it or not, we get just as cranky and testy as men if we haven't had sex. It's human nature. Embrace it, deal with it and learn to live with it! And if you find yourself in the position where you're just not in the mood to have sex and your man is rubbing up on you trying to get you in the mood ~~~> Just play Pillow Princess and let him to the work. If you go that entire "session" just waiting for it to be over ... I'd re-evaluate how you really feel about your man ...

Remember .... tell em Jo Jo Said It!!!!
 
Written By Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

Spending My Day Off ... Like 1 of the Guys

Last night,  had to accept that I can never again yell, nag or complain about my boyfriend spending countless hours on his XBox. I woke up yesterday morning with that relieving feeling of knowing I was off from work. I made my morning coffee and updated all my websites as I always do. Yet afterwards, I decided to take advantage of my boyfriend being at work ... and play some XBox!

I started my Soul Calibur journey at 10am. Shortly after, I found myself slouching in my chair, feet up on the entertainment center, cursing at the TV, and occasionally even throwing my cigarettes and/or lighter across the room. Everything, in essence, I make fun of him for. It was 6pm before I even realized what I was doing and only when he had called to be picked up from the train station!  

"Daaaaam! Where did my day go?" I was shocked. Had I turned into a "gamer" overnight? Is it possible to be a gamer when you only play one game? I don't know what I was more upset about, the fact that I had wasted an entire day playing a video game or the fact that I knew I could no longer bitch at him for doing it! 

Almost a full 8 hours on ONE video game. I managed to rack up thousands of points (yet like a true female, I spent almost all of it on new characters, new weapons and of course, different outfits for each character!) I unlocked new powers and stages, all of which I spent an hour telling him about when he got home. After he laughed at me for that entire hour ... he played with me and all the new characters I had created!

The point of the story is this.... Ladies, instead of nagging your boyfriend to get off the console ...  jump in a play a game or two with him. You never know, you may actually like it! and, I promise, it will make his day =)

Written By @MzFilterless