Befriending your ex....a good idea or a doomed destiny?
Depends on the grounds the original relationship was based on. For example, if a relationship was based solely on sexual attraction, as failed relationships tend to be, there is no chance for a true friendship afterwards. This is simply because that same attraction would negate a strictly platonic friendship. However, if a relationship was based on a friendship, which most relationships should be, then of course it is a possibility to continue that friendship in the future. Now, whether that friendship could continue directly after the intimate relationship ending depends on the individual couple. Not all couples are strong enough for this "after-friendship." Personally, I believe that the lack of friendships after relationships derives from how emotional us women tend to be.
Of the failed relationships I have had, it was not possible to stay friends with most of my exes. However, my most recent ex is now one of my best friends. Why? Because friendship is how we based our relationship. When it comes to relationships, everything is not always hearts and flowers. You share good times together, endure bad times provoked by each other and then you live out and cherish the times that you are just regular people together. To me, there is nothing more precious that being in a relationship with someone who you can just sit back and enjoy life with; not just as your spouse but as your friend.
In a perfect world, every failed relationship could at least end in a lasting friendship. However, maintaining a friendship with your ex does not solely depend on the people who were in that relationship. Meddling with your ex could very well weigh a heavy burden on your present relationship. Since not everyone can handle a platonic relationship with their ex, not everyone could understand those who can....and do. Let's look at the pros and cons.
From a female perspective, the biggest benefit of having your ex as a friend is like having your own personal inside trader. It is a person who knows you as a friend and as a girlfriend. Coming from a woman, we tend to go about life as if we do nothing wrong. We move into the next relationship without ever taking responsibility for what we did wrong in the last one. Having your ex as a friend could in fact help us to realize that we are making the same mistakes in our present relationships that we did in our past relationships. The same goes for guys as well. However, guys having their ex as a friend may work more advantageously because we females are the more complex gender. With that being said, it is much safer for a man to have such an "inside trader!"
On the negative side of this aspect, there will always come a time in the new relationship that the significant other (usually the female) gets jealous of the exes friendship. In these situations everyone involved must realize that at the end of the day, the ex is an "ex" for a reason! Everyone knows relationships always flow much smoother when there are no strings attached. Me personally, my ex was never as understanding as he became AFTER we broke up! It is that understanding that makes his friendship and opinion so dear to me now. Yes, the history one would have with their ex can at times be a valid reason for jealousy but this is where the trust in your new relationship plays a huge role. If a person, male or female, feels threatened by their spouses ex, it usually is a sure tell sign of instability in that relationship.
While catching up with an old friend who had gotten married since the last time I saw her, compared her marriage to having a sleepover every night with her best friend! THAT, is how every relationship should be, not just newlyweds or relationships that are still in the courting stage. The bottom line is, anything is possible depending on the individual. If you are still attracted to your ex or more gravely, still in love with your ex, it is probably best NOT to be friends with them. But, use your own judgement. This is not one of those questions that have a consensus answer. What works for one person or couple, may not work for another. That is the beauty of us all being different!
Written By
@MzFilterless
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