The Mistakes of a Woman

As unfortunate as it is, once a woman makes that plunge from innocent to damaged goods, there are a series of events that will happen to her (and anyone she tries to date.)

1. She will never again believe a man who tells her he is working late.
2. She will surely become a stalker on every social networking site in attempts to stay abreast of any brewing situation. This may not be such a bad thing BUT damaged goods will proceed to befriend any of her guy's female friends and/or comment on each and every status comment from a female with some ridiculousness which makes her look very, very insecure.
3. She is bound to cheat at the first moment in which she feels she is being cheated on.
4. She will HATE on any and all happy people around her without even realizing it. This usually comes in the form of bitter comments, tainted advice or my personal pet-peeve, the unnecessary hating of their boyfriends.
5. Her skirts, dresses and shorts will most definitely get shorter than her normal style. This tactic comes from her subconscious needing any and all attention she can get from the opposite sex. (Ladies please know your own body type before doing this.)
6. She will contradict almost everything that she says when it comes to her relationship. This is because she speaks as if she is the resilient person she wants to be only to realize once she is in the situation that she is just not capable of following through with her words.
7. She needs constant reassurance. Yes fellas, I know this is unattractive and highly annoying BUT if you really do care for her, feed into it at seldom times. This will help bring her out of her shell and into her rightful, confident stature.
8. She will try overly hard to impress your friends because she feels that if they vouch for her, so will her new guy! This will only create problems I guarantee you so just stay away from your guys friends. Speak only when spoken to until you are truly confident that your vindictive side is at bay!
9. She will start fights for what you think is no reason. However, in reality, she is starting a meaningless fight and proceed to fight as hard as she can with you each and every time she realizes that she is letting her guard down with you. Corny, yes I know but it happens.
10. She will have no problem and see nothing wrong with going through your phone and calling each and every female number that you have stored. And yes just in case you are wondering, she will proceed to speak to the female, telling her how happy you guys are and how the female should cut you out her life.

Unfortunately, the majority of females do not get over heartbreak. They harbor it until they think they have forgotten or just jump from one relationship to the next in hopes to get over you by getting right under someone else. Word to the wise, if you are going to utilize this rule please understand that the "under" of this rule pertains for a one night stand NOT another relationship!

Bottom line, the only way I personally feel you can help damaged goods (male or female for this matter) is if you were there as a friend to witness the transition. You can not begin to fix something that you are simultaneously trying to understand. It just doesn't work. In all honesty, a relationship should be about growing together not fixing each other!

Yea, Yea JoJoSaidIt bitches!!!

Weekly Blast: Understanding vs Loyalty

After talking with a bunch of different strangers last week and always winding up on the same topic, I've decided to dedicate this week to discussing relationships and the understanding factor within them! It's so funny that men can take public transportation everyday for the rest of their lives and never strike a conversation with a fellow rider, nevertheless tell a fellow rider the weaknesses of their relationship. BUT, you stick a female on public transportation, especially when their going through a rocky point in their relationship, and what ever mode of public transportation you're using, immediately turns into an Oprah special!

Now, I'm no expert on relationships, but I have been in enough shitty ones to know certain tips that if used correctly, act as the grease that keeps the wheels of any relationship turning smoothly. Understanding your relationship and your partner is definitely right up there with trusting them.

Here's a perfect example that serves 2 key purposes of a relationship. First and foremost, LADIES, you're man having female friends will ALWAYS benefit your relationship! Before you start on your tangent, let me explain. Do you really think you're man always knows how to pick out the perfect gift you on his own? Do you think after that huge fight you had, he calmed down and came back to talk to like a civilized person all by himself, especially after knowing that you had no right to start that fight in the first place? HELL NO! I'd say in 75% of these cases, that man called one of his female friends for advice on why the fuck you were acting crazy for no reason. And she, (despite if she knows you or not) gave him some inside tips on "how to handle an unnecessarily irrate female." But instead of you being grateful that he has that option (which benefits you more than you think ), you probably freaked out on him for going to another female right? I'm not going to say "allowing your man" because if you have a relationship where you have to give permission to have a friend, you're relationship probably won't last too long because there's no trust between you. But I will say this, being understanding that you are not going to be the last or only female that you're man has a relationship with, is key to the more than healthy survival of that relationship!

I cannot say it enough that we are all human at the end of the day. Despite whatever morals we have, we all battle the same laws of human nature each and every day! Personally I feel that every relationship has four people in it, only 2 of which are sleeping together! Again, let me explain. You have the inside couple; the two people involved in the intimate relationship. Then you have the female that the male partner goes to for advice and the male that the female partner goes to for her advice. Anything more or less than these four people in a relationship is going to cause friction. On both parts, having one person of the opposite sex that you can turn to about your relationship is KEY!! Did you ever realize that females have more problems deriving from her girlfriends than guys do with their boys? It's because under normal circumstances, a female will go to all her girlfriends for advice when there's an issue in her relationship; just to get different advice that she knows she's not going to take anyway! This results in multiple witnesses to the bad points of your relationship which is bound to be thrown back in your face by at least one of them at some point in the future. If you keep it strictly to one person, you're allowing yourself the privilege of getting factual advice from someone who knows more than just the bad points.

This week we'll take a closer look at all the little things that could be avoided just by understanding your spouse and your relationship. But remember, there is a fine line between being understanding and just a sucker for love! By the end of this week, if you don't already, you should be able to understand the difference! Stay tuned!

By Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

Don't Flatter Yourself

There are some things in life that we are just not meant to figure out. For example, why is it that "friends," hide emotions? Now I say this on many different levels, which you all know I'm about to break down for you! In my almost 28 years in this world, I've noticed that these "emotion hiding friends" only hide there emotions in certain situations.

The "I fell for you" Emotion
This has to be the most annoying situation one can find themselves in. Now I understand that we are all human and cannot help who we fall for. BUT, if someone trusts you as their friend, they confide in you. Do not break that trust by catching feelings for that person, and hiding them. the longer you wait in this situation (without exposing your true feelings,) the more abrupt your friendship is going to end. Personally, I would rather know how you really feel so I can pick and chose (if I want to) what advice I ask you for. If I know you have feelings for me, I'm not going to trust your opinion about who I'm dating because your opinion will always be biased based on the way you feel for me. This is not a true friend!

The "I'm ashamed of myself" Emotion
Now, although this example is one of many I could have used. We all have that one friend who lies about the dumbest shit, (i.e. who they're sleeping with, how much money they make, who they know...) so we can all relate to this category. What you do, is what you do! Why lie to someone else about something, that in all essence, doesn't affect them in the least?!?!? I don't care who you are sleeping with, unless of course it's the same person I'm sleeping with (or have slept with.) If you want to be a smut, that's cool... for you! Why lie to me about it? Bottom line, if you're out with your girls, and one of your girls gets a booty all (pretty common), just keep it funky! If you find yourself lying to your girls and saying some dumb shit like, "I gotta run home, my mom needs me," YOU are ashamed of whoever you now running to! Again, I ask "Why?" your girls aren't supposed to judge you. We're supposed to make fun of you, then laugh with you of course!

And last but not least, my personal favorite (for entertainment purposes)...

The "I'm just not comfortable in my own skin" Emotion
This is the when it's pure comedy! Have you ever met someone who is so uncomfortable in their own skin that they lie, lie, and lie some more?!?!? They'll be sitting with you talking about their favorite color is blue. Then you catch them talking to someone else about how their favorite color is red?!!? WHAT?!?!? there is no perfect example I can give you to define these people because anyone who knows them knows, if it comes out of their mouth... you have to research it before you believe it! Horrible way to live and these people find themselves only being invited to places by people who either don't really know them or just can't get rid of them!

So the moral of this story is this...
Be comfortable with yourself, know how to express yourself (and when to for that matter) and of course, if you call someone a friend ... it's because you trust them ... show them that by speaking to them honestly and up front!!!

Written by Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless

The Difference between GOOD and TOXIC Friends

At times it could be quite hard to determine the difference between a good friend and a toxic one. Human nature tends to push us toward being naive and not seeing the bad in people; especially in a friend. Though the fact still lies that everyone is not exactly what they seem and human nature could also lead us to look out for ourselves before anyone else; survival of the fittest.


A friend is someone who listens to what you say. A good friend listens to what you don't say. Yet, a toxic friend, harbors over your every word and repeats it to whoever else will listen! In this world, it is more common to encounter or realize more toxic friends and acquaintances than good ones. There are so many old wives tales and typical advice from your grandmother about choosing friends and maintaining healthy friendships. It is not until you are forced into a position you never thought you'd be in with a friend, that you remember everything your grandmother or mother told you. Then you find yourself hating to say they told you so.

I was watching a Tyler Perry movie one day and amongst all the other morals and ethics the script tried to convey, he used the metaphor of trees to describe the different types of people who could enter ones life. It could not have been said more effectively. There are some people who come into our lives like the leaves on the branches; only there seasonally and fall off with the slightest of a breeze. There are others who come like branches and however strong they may look, they snap when pressure is applied. Then you have the roots. Despite how big the tree is, it only needs a few good roots to maintain it's stability. And the different types of friends were explained.

Everyone knows how hard it can be to determine what type of friend you have. Everyone has that friend that gets "bypassed." The friend that everyone knows lacks the ability to be discreet, the friend who can't be trusted with secrets, can never hold a job, or is never there on time. To each his own. When attempting to differentiate what type of friend you are dealing with, one must only look at the persons actions against them; what directly affects that immediate relationship. Everyone has their faults and flaws. A toxic friend puts their own faults and flaws onto everyone they come into contact with.

A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out. A quote I have always remembered and tried my hardest not to take for granted. We all have times where we feel that we give more to someone or something than we get back. We all feel at times that we run for certain people who never seem to be around when you need them. We must look at these times and these situations when we question what type of friendship we have with a person. I have always known the type of relationship I have with a person, negative or positive. I have always known what my limits are with that person, even to the sense of knowing who will win the argument. Though a real friend can be seen when that person speaks of you with someone else when you're not there.

A real friend will always defend you and your existence even when you're not there to defend yourself. Right or wrong. I've learned that even when I'm wrong, my real friends will defend me and confront me later. Real friends are hard to come by, but they are even harder to keep when you don't realize their true meaning.



Written By @MzFilterless
Article can also be read at http://www.helium.com/

Staying Friends with your EX?!?

Befriending your ex....a good idea or a doomed destiny?

Depends on the grounds the original relationship was based on. For example, if a relationship was based solely on sexual attraction, as failed relationships tend to be, there is no chance for a true friendship afterwards. This is simply because that same attraction would negate a strictly platonic friendship. However, if a relationship was based on a friendship, which most relationships should be, then of course it is a possibility to continue that friendship in the future. Now, whether that friendship could continue directly after the intimate relationship ending depends on the individual couple. Not all couples are strong enough for this "after-friendship." Personally, I believe that the lack of friendships after relationships derives from how emotional us women tend to be.

Of the failed relationships I have had, it was not possible to stay friends with most of my exes. However, my most recent ex is now one of my best friends. Why? Because friendship is how we based our relationship. When it comes to relationships, everything is not always hearts and flowers. You share good times together, endure bad times provoked by each other and then you live out and cherish the times that you are just regular people together. To me, there is nothing more precious that being in a relationship with someone who you can just sit back and enjoy life with; not just as your spouse but as your friend.

In a perfect world, every failed relationship could at least end in a lasting friendship. However, maintaining a friendship with your ex does not solely depend on the people who were in that relationship. Meddling with your ex could very well weigh a heavy burden on your present relationship. Since not everyone can handle a platonic relationship with their ex, not everyone could understand those who can....and do. Let's look at the pros and cons.

From a female perspective, the biggest benefit of having your ex as a friend is like having your own personal inside trader. It is a person who knows you as a friend and as a girlfriend. Coming from a woman, we tend to go about life as if we do nothing wrong. We move into the next relationship without ever taking responsibility for what we did wrong in the last one. Having your ex as a friend could in fact help us to realize that we are making the same mistakes in our present relationships that we did in our past relationships. The same goes for guys as well. However, guys having their ex as a friend may work more advantageously because we females are the more complex gender. With that being said, it is much safer for a man to have such an "inside trader!"

On the negative side of this aspect, there will always come a time in the new relationship that the significant other (usually the female) gets jealous of the exes friendship. In these situations everyone involved must realize that at the end of the day, the ex is an "ex" for a reason! Everyone knows relationships always flow much smoother when there are no strings attached. Me personally, my ex was never as understanding as he became AFTER we broke up! It is that understanding that makes his friendship and opinion so dear to me now. Yes, the history one would have with their ex can at times be a valid reason for jealousy but this is where the trust in your new relationship plays a huge role. If a person, male or female, feels threatened by their spouses ex, it usually is a sure tell sign of instability in that relationship.

While catching up with an old friend who had gotten married since the last time I saw her, compared her marriage to having a sleepover every night with her best friend! THAT, is how every relationship should be, not just newlyweds or relationships that are still in the courting stage. The bottom line is, anything is possible depending on the individual. If you are still attracted to your ex or more gravely, still in love with your ex, it is probably best NOT to be friends with them. But, use your own judgement. This is not one of those questions that have a consensus answer. What works for one person or couple, may not work for another. That is the beauty of us all being different!

Written By @MzFilterless
Article can also be read at http://www.helium.com/