It Is What It Is

The say time heals all wounds -

yet I'm still here bleeding -

patiently waiting.

This battle with myself is suffocating;

I'm choking on my own words while drowning in my own thoughts.

True strength is not deemed by the pounds one can hold ...

but by the courage of a smile guarding a blanket of fear  - ready to unfold.

Nothing sincerely seems real when your harboring fear;

you've let go of the situation,

the person,

and what you thought was the pain;

yet the source of the leaking drain -

is the fear that still remains.

That fear of history repeating itself -

of getting the same cards you've already been dealt.

That annoying "intuition" that "he's just another typical guy,"

when YOU KNOW damn well deep inside...

he's THE ONE you can't live without by your side.

That chest clenching feeling when he's coming home late ...

IS the feeling he's cheating -

caused by the last guy you used to date.

You can call it lack of self confidence

call it my "girlish pride"

But the truth of the matter is, it's all based on the fear -

that I see "forever" in what you've deemed as "just a ride"

If only you knew the pain I've already endured -

If only I realized sooner the damage that pain has really caused.

Would we meet right back on that eye-to-eye level?

Or would it all still be so dramatically disheveled?

I apologize to you from the very deepest of my heart

that I let one simple mistake of yours make my roller coaster of fear start.

This was "our" coaster - so to speak -

we designed the ups and downs.

Yet I allowed my own fear of getting hurt again,

transform us to a Merry Go Round.

I fell in love with the person you are

then tried to change you into what I thought would keep me "safe."

And you loved me enough to accomodate my insanity,

now we both have what we've known we both hate!

That guy that loves his girl to death yet is patiently gasping for air.

That girl who feels like bugging out every time her man isn't right there.

Like we both don't return home to same golden throne!

I'm sorry it took me so long to see -

what you've meant by "I'm still here" ...

it's anything but easy being with me!

                                                 Always Remember tell em Jo Jo Said It!

                           Know Your Flaws, Own Your Flaws ... so you can work out your flaws!

Written By Jo Anne-Patricia @MzFilterless